"Jesus Loves You, Lalla." Manda reads aloud from a letter the bishop's wife has written me. "It says "Jesus Loves you, Lalla" eleven times, La. Eleven times. Why would you repeat yourself like that?"

"I don't know. Maybe she thinks I don't get stuff the first time....or the tenth."

(Screams of laughter)

So, maybe the letter was over-kill. But the fact remains: Jesus loves me. And the knowlege of that makes me much, much happier than it used to. Because a very special person revised my perception of what it means to be loved.

For as long as I can remember I felt like I fell a little short of being lovable.

People said:

"La, it is ridiculous for someone with your talents to be so insecure."

"Sister Lalla, we see a lot of potential in you; but we would like to see you more involved."

"La, you look fine, but you need to be just a little more confident."

 I heard: 

"You need to be different to be loved."

My idea of Jesus loving me was Him peering down from heaven, and grinning ruefully, and saying to Himself, "La.......such a sweetheart, but will she ever get it together?"

And then I met AnnaMary. And Anna Mary thought I was great. Very very great. Pretty. And smart. And fun to be with. And a good friend. And talented. Not perfect, but absolutely super. JUST LIKE I WAS. I didn't have to be any different for her to love me, love being with me, love who I was. I didn't have to change one single thing. She sees the best in me, and she brings it out. She makes me feel like who I am and what I have to offer is enough.

She completely changed my idea of what it meant to be loved. It was one of the best gifts I have ever been given.

Now when I think of Jesus loving me it is so different. It's like He has this huge grin, and He's hugging me and saying "Laaaaa! It's been too long! We've got soooo much to talk about, and I missed you, and .....oh wow, you look so good. You always look good, I love your tan. How have you been, for real? Tell me everything!"

And I can so deal with being loved like that.

How many times have you heard that you should "hate the sin, but love the sinner?" Let me tell you, done well, it beats all.

Love is unstoppable.

So, go love people.

And, Happy Monday everyone.

  Being part of a Christian community when you break up has advantages. Here's one of my favorites: when nosy, gossiping people try to kiss up and get all the gory details, you can look them straight in the eye and say, "We just didn't feel it was God's will to go on. " I feel like I said that 100 times in the last 3 days.

 It also has disadvantages. I HATE the theology that surfaces at a time like this that God loves to BREAK us. I hate that word, and I refuse to believe in a God that specializes in hurting people. It makes God sound like a Nazi. "Starve them, wear them down, persecute them, make them too weak to resist...and THEN they will be a valuable part of our program."

Or a child molester, that randomly attacks innocent kids and plays sick, controlling mind games.

God delights in me more in times like this? When my heart literally hurts, and I cry until I get on my own nerves, and I am in over-analyze-everything mode? What a bunch of nonsense. He just loves me, regardless of what's going on.

Pain is a part of life, but I don't think God instigates it, or revels in it.

My God is the one that said......"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because he hath annointed me to preach the gospel to the poor, he hath sent me TO HEAL THE BROKEN-HEARTED, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised."